Fish Round... Something

Hihi! Long time no blog. Been incredibly busy with stuff and yea life. But I HAD to share with everyone this one addition to my apartment. Hopefully it survives the year at least, I'll be so sad if it doesn't live until tomorrow.

I named it Fernando. It's a name I decided would be a good betta fish name, except, well as you can see it isn't a betta. I thought about it and betta's natural lifespan is ~2 yrs, and everyone has a betta now, so i decided to go with a black moor. There were two in the Petco tank and the other one was rounder and seemed to not swim as well. Since I wasn't sure if that was because it was fat or if it might be a handicap, I decided to go with the younger one that looked more active. Maybe it'd be harder for me to kill. The guy who was getting the fish asked me how big my tank was, and i didn't know how many gallons so he had me show him in comparison to the tanks they had there. Apparently they aren't allowed to sell you the fish if the tank's not a certain size or something. Mine was a little smaller than that (not by much) but i figured since i'm getting the tiniest, that i can change the tank to a bigger one once it grows a little bigger.

Here's the cutie! I'm planning on adding a filter in tomorrow and some decoration/ cave as well. Not too much stuff, but just a little to keep it from too much boredom.

Shopping at Loehmanns and Goldfish Sadness

     I thought I'd take a break from product reviews and do a slice of life post. So I went to Loehmanns a little while ago to take advantage of the Birthday discount. While I was there, there was a sizeable line of people waiting for dressing rooms. As I was standing in line waiting, I observed for about 5-10 minutes the actions of various customers, and they truly appalled me.

    People handed the dressing room workers clothes which were turned inside out, upside down, and every which way.  Clothes would often be handed to them without hangers. Swimsuits especially grossed me out. Just thinking about how people wear those things naked, then hand them back to you in such a way as to force you to touch the parts that came in contact with who knows what. One lady handed an employee something that looked like a bra, but could have been a swim top or something. The way how she handed it back- it could've been a dirty used bra from the looks of it- the clasp was undone, and it was just nasty. The employee asked her, "This didn't come with a hanger?" to which the woman replied that it did not. Personally, I find that a bit hard to believe, unless she had just picked it up in the dressing area itself. The employee also handled it like a dirty piece of laundry, with two fingers, and rightfully so. My eyes are still a bit scarred from that incident alone.

     Then there are customers who try to lie their way in, saying, "Oh i'm just going to my friend in there" with a handful of clothes. When it's revealed that their friends aren't in the dressing area anymore, their true motives are revealed and end with "Oh, well i'm just going to try these on".

    That day I also forgot to print out my coupon which made me incredibly sad. Luckily though, when I got to the cashier, I found that they could apply it if you just give them your phone #/ membership information. yay!

And onto the Goldfish sadness. The family goldfish of 11 months finally passed away one day suddenly. I suspect it to be a combination of the bowl being too small (it grew quite a bit), being fed too much, and forgetting to add water conditioner drops into the water. That's 14 fish that we've killed in the past 2 years. I think Peta must be getting ready to take me out.

I want a betta. Right now, there's memorial day sales too on them! The only thing is, I'm not too sure my parents would allow me to get one. With the tanks, foods, water conditioners, filters, heaters, etc etc I think it would rack up quite a price...and if it just up and died too...well that would be really sad. I also like the Black Moor Goldfish, I think is what it's called. The almost dark black ones look so wonderful. Only thing is they require quite the large aquarium, and I just don't have that much room.

Oh, and quick note about aquariums. If you only want a tiny classic goldfish bowl type, don't buy them at the pet stores, they're extremely pricey (~$8). Instead go to a craft store and get them for $4. They're made of thick glass. I didn't buy one for our fish since I'd already gotten it a bowl. but just for those out there who are looking.

Fish Round III & Sucky Friends

So a post to deviate from the marathon of makeup reviews.

My friends caught me 5 of those feeder fish from a carnival game get together thing. Everything was going so well, and they survived a week which I was super happy about, but then they all died by the 8th day X_X. I have no idea why. It's not even like they died one by one, they just all died in one day. It could be that they ate too much. Every time I go to change the water, they've already eaten their poop, so it's really clean- although I changed it anyways. That on top of the food I feed them killed them I guess.

I just felt a need to blog about sucky friends because I realized more and more that that's what I have, absolutely sucky friends. It makes me want to move to a new place and start over making new friends. Not sure that that's the way to go though, spoil and discard.

My friends don't come through on what they say. Some, it's because they've overextended themselves and can't do everything, so of course my long awaited meeting (planned weeks ahead) gets delayed hours (5+) and shortened from the afternoon to 1 hr while a more recent appointment takes precedence. Others just flat out ditch me for others when the time comes. I'm actually not sure which is worse, them exchanging meeting me for going to another place, them just not wanting to go anywhere that day, or ditching me for other people. Now I know this makes me seem kind of clingy/ needy, but honestly I don't get to see them that much, so really these meetings are like once every 3 months. And it's not so much the not wanting to meet with me that bothers me, it's the making plans and falling through on them. Why don't you just say that you're busy that day? Or that you don't want to? It's because when something "better" comes along, I get thrown away. Sad, really.

Then there are other friends who follow the out of sight out of mind rule. I'm always trying to keep up communication, but it seems like there's no interest on their part. We've just all fallen back to acquaintance status. A relationship takes the work of 2 people. I only have one sided relationships.

I guess I'm really just tired. I used to want to have one really best friend. I was jealous of all those kids who grew up together and have known each other since babies in the crib. My family moved a lot, so I didn't have that kind of opportunity. Up until high school I think it was, I would pray every week for me to find a really good friend, even just one. People who you knew would always have your back. People who if you had a problem, they wouldn't mind coming over to your house just to help you feel better. Yea, that never happened.

All I've learned through life is, don't trust anyone 100%. 50% maybe. I'm always expecting people to fall through, I know people have a tendency to do that. When they come through, I'm insanely happy, when they don't, I've already expected it. That's why if I'm heading a group project, I always remind people what's needed to be done a few days in advance, and the day right before, because I know otherwise they'd forget- and the system works, things get done on time-, I've learned.

I'm really sick of having to deal with all this though. The occasional betrayal? Fine, I'll accept it, but this constant pattern is unacceptable.

I think the absolute most obvious one was the time I was ditched in the middle of NYC alone for 3 hours in the evening/ night. I had planned to meet another friend who lived in NYC, but worried about straying from the group I came with since I have absolute horrid sense of direction. I asked to make a meeting time/ spot with my friend (the other group members were her friends), but to my surprise her response was, "What? We'll just come get you." I was very surprised, because my life with human nature taught me that NOBODY does that. I even asked again to confirm that they would indeed come and pick me up and was met by a hurried YES. So I went off happily. After finishing my meeting, I called up my other friend again to say that I was finished and to come pick me up. She responded with "UH...we're still shopping right now" "Oh ok, then when will you be done?" "I don't know, it looks like it's going to be a while" "Ok, then should I go to you" "...sure if you want" "where are you?" "E. Broadway & XXx street " "wait let me find a map...I don't see it...it's not on here... (I was in the subway station)" "UH, nevermind, this place is really hard to find" "well then how am I going to get back?" "I don't know" "Oh wait I found it, ok..so where exactly are you" "the place is really hard to find"

and it continued like that for 15 minutes with her telling me that the place was impossible to find and not really wanting to tell me. Then she suggested that I meet them at our next destination, so I agreed. I got a bit lost- 1hrs worth- trying to find our next destination because the streets change names halfway through so I was thoroughly confused. After I barely found the place (I had to call her on the phone to try and get directions) she said to me "actually...I don't think I'm going to go there today". WOW. Can you say ditched? That felt like a really sharp slap in the face. In the very beginning you said you would pick me up, I even reconfirmed it with you, and in the end, you still left me to fend for myself in NYC alone in the dark for 3 hrs lost when you know that I have horrible sense of direction. I was pissed, and still am 2 years later, to say the least.

As if that weren't enough, she tried to deny it later with the most ridiculous story ever saying how I couldn't find a map. I WAS STARING AT THE FRIGGIN HUGE MAP IN THE SUBWAYS STATION!!! Are you really going to lie like this?! If it was a small detail then yes, I would say maybe I remembered it wrong, but something as big as this? Please.

I think it's safe to say that I no longer consider her a good friend. It's not just that one instance. Today it's the same thing.

Yesterday I convinced her to go to this school event that she originally didn't want to go to because she didn't think it would be fun. I rattled off all these interesting things that were going to be happening, so eventually she also became excited about it. She told me to call her after 12 pm today, so I did. Only to be met with "Some of my other friends are going at 2, so I don't think I'm going this early, I'm going with them later, and besides I'm still a little hung over." That to me was just unacceptable. So I just said "Ok fine". She of course never wants to sound like the bad guy so she responded with "well you can come too." right, a 3rd wheel so to speak when it was my idea in the first place. She probably told them about it and they all decided to go. I replied with how awkward that would be, me there with her other friends that I don't even know. It's not even one friend, it's a whole group. Before she was complaining to me about how her roommate dragged her off to the roommate's old boss's house and how she felt strange because she didn't know them. It's the same exact thing that you're doing to me, except it's worse, because you made plans with me first and didn't even come through on them.

She's not the only one though, seems like all my friends ditch me more or less. I'm just sooo sick of it all. I just want to throw them all away. Well maybe not all of them. I think I only have a handful of friends who've even ever done anything for me, I don't mean like a mutual dinner or something, but I mean actually done something for me alone. I always treat my friends like the most special people, making sure to get them gifts on their birthdays and doing other various things for them, but I feel like it's never really returned. In three years, I haven't gotten a single birthday present from my friends. Not even one. How sad is that? really. It's not even like they don't know when my birthday is. There's facebook now, everybody knows and posts the obligatory Happy Birthday. But who really means it? Who even really cares? Christmas presents are the same, I give out about 10-20 presents (some for friends, some for people who I feel like I've been in their care the during the year) every year (mass made, but handmade and I spent many hours in the weeks before preparing nontheless), I think I've only gotten...maybe 5 presents back total in the past 3 years. I'm starting to think that I should stop doing anything. It doesn't seem worth it. I love giving people things, it just makes me so happy, but I don't feel like I'm even appreciated for what I do. I don't really care about getting a tangible gift in return, but it would be nice to at least spend some time with these people. At this point I don't even really feel like their my friends, instead I feel like I'm bribing them for something.

Sorry that this kind of turned into a self pity post, but where else can I vent my feelings? I have no friends who care, remember? I'm not even sure how I became friends with them.

Now all I do really is just talk to God, I've realized that there is no one really good friend out there for me. Well maybe there is, but I sure as heck haven't met them.

For anyone else who feels this way, you're not alone!

Goldfish Round II

Well, during spring semester '09 I acquired 5 goldfish from my suitemate. Unfortunately they all died within 24 hours. Now I have a second chance! I shall update as to the status of the fish as time goes by.

***EDIT***

I'm not sure if it's because of me, or the curse that a certain male and female placed on it, but it too succumbed to the death within 24 hrs rule. It's strange because it was given the same treatment- and even put in the same container as my brother's fish, and his are still alive and energetic.

It could also just be that everyone gives me the punier fish in comparison. But last time, I had one big healthy fish and it was the first to go...

Although I probably shouldn't say this (all the fish lovers will give me death stares for the fate of the fish is pretty much decided) but I want a Betta Fish @.@. They are sooo gorgeous. I read that they're considered easy to take care of, but then it started to list all the stuff it needs: filter, lights, huge tank, different foods, etc etc. By the end I was thinking to myself, "Well if these fish are easy to take care of, then the goldfish must be self sufficient." O.O

I also saw these yellow 2" x2" fish at Petco that cost $40. Holy cow.